Magic fish

One victory, however emphatic, can't completely transform a poor team into a Super Bowl contender.

However, one emphatic victory over a Super Bowl contender can completely transform a poor team.

And so, after my rant about their recent form last week, the Miami Dolphins did the unthinkable on Sunday night: thumping perennial Vince Lombardi trophy candidates the New England Patriots 38-13 and instantly giving their long-suffering fans hope that maybe this isn't just another false dawn. Maybe, maybe the Phins are back.

The crucial thing is that while Ronnie Brown quite rightly earned the plaudits – scoring four touchdowns on the ground, as well as slinging a perfect six-point pass to getting-better-by-the-week tight end Anthony Fasano - this was very much a team win. Offensive co-ordinator Dan Henning's gameplan worked to perfection, with Chad Pennington's game management behind center near flawless and all of his receivers (is Greg Camarillo the next Wes Welker?) standing up to be counted. Quarterback coach David Lee's single wing formation – something he used to the full using Darren McFadden and Felix Jones at Arkansas – was a masterstroke, and the defense, so horrific last week in the Arizona desert, suddenly remembered how to play.

It was terrific.

And of course, I missed it all.

I'd been at an engagement party in London for two close friends and, en route back to my home town of Bath, had – expecting it to be the Pats doing the thumping - decided against getting any score updates. Then another mate texted 'Presume you know the Phins score' and, of course, I had to look. I pulled up the ESPN website while the missus used the loo at Paddington, expecting it to read MIA 0 NWE 40. Instead it read MIA 14 NWE 6. We boarded the train and I dared look again. MIA 21 NWE 6. The train departed and I was back on my phone. MIA 28 NWE 6.

!!!

Carriage windows were gloriously (semi-silently) pounded. “Fuckyesyesyescomeon” was mouthed at the wife on more than one occasion. She didn't know whether to laugh or act terrified, and so went for a little bit of both. I tried reading my book – Michael Lewis's outstanding The Blind Side – but all the sentences seemed to read 'miami new england miami. ronnie brown ricky williams miami miami new england' And so I kept checking my phone, and we kept on scoring. Until finally: MIA 38 NWE 13 – F appeared.

Astonishing.

And although I missed the greatest shock of the decade, and my team was in it, I've no regrets. Because I know that had I rushed home to catch it live on the internet it just wouldn't have panned out the way it did. I never goes to plan when the Dolphins are playing and I'm watching. Which is why when Tony Sparano takes us back to the Super Bowl in five years time I'll be at home, with the lights off, cowering under the table, trying not to think of the letters E, S, P, and N.

As for texting me? Don't even think about it.