Magic fish

One victory, however emphatic, can't completely transform a poor team into a Super Bowl contender.

However, one emphatic victory over a Super Bowl contender can completely transform a poor team.

And so, after my rant about their recent form last week, the Miami Dolphins did the unthinkable on Sunday night: thumping perennial Vince Lombardi trophy candidates the New England Patriots 38-13 and instantly giving their long-suffering fans hope that maybe this isn't just another false dawn. Maybe, maybe the Phins are back.

The crucial thing is that while Ronnie Brown quite rightly earned the plaudits – scoring four touchdowns on the ground, as well as slinging a perfect six-point pass to getting-better-by-the-week tight end Anthony Fasano - this was very much a team win. Offensive co-ordinator Dan Henning's gameplan worked to perfection, with Chad Pennington's game management behind center near flawless and all of his receivers (is Greg Camarillo the next Wes Welker?) standing up to be counted. Quarterback coach David Lee's single wing formation – something he used to the full using Darren McFadden and Felix Jones at Arkansas – was a masterstroke, and the defense, so horrific last week in the Arizona desert, suddenly remembered how to play.

It was terrific.

And of course, I missed it all.

I'd been at an engagement party in London for two close friends and, en route back to my home town of Bath, had – expecting it to be the Pats doing the thumping - decided against getting any score updates. Then another mate texted 'Presume you know the Phins score' and, of course, I had to look. I pulled up the ESPN website while the missus used the loo at Paddington, expecting it to read MIA 0 NWE 40. Instead it read MIA 14 NWE 6. We boarded the train and I dared look again. MIA 21 NWE 6. The train departed and I was back on my phone. MIA 28 NWE 6.

!!!

Carriage windows were gloriously (semi-silently) pounded. “Fuckyesyesyescomeon” was mouthed at the wife on more than one occasion. She didn't know whether to laugh or act terrified, and so went for a little bit of both. I tried reading my book – Michael Lewis's outstanding The Blind Side – but all the sentences seemed to read 'miami new england miami. ronnie brown ricky williams miami miami new england' And so I kept checking my phone, and we kept on scoring. Until finally: MIA 38 NWE 13 – F appeared.

Astonishing.

And although I missed the greatest shock of the decade, and my team was in it, I've no regrets. Because I know that had I rushed home to catch it live on the internet it just wouldn't have panned out the way it did. I never goes to plan when the Dolphins are playing and I'm watching. Which is why when Tony Sparano takes us back to the Super Bowl in five years time I'll be at home, with the lights off, cowering under the table, trying not to think of the letters E, S, P, and N.

As for texting me? Don't even think about it.

A fellow Fin writes...

I'm still too delirious about yesterday's Dolphins result to make any sort of sense of it, so I've invited a guest speaker for the day. Step forward my fellow Fin friend Tony, AKA Strathclyde Eagle, for his thoughts on the shock of the decade...

(Mine to come tomorrow.)

'The 2007 Miami Dolphins might have been the most scarring sporting season I have ever experienced. The 1-15 disaster was week after week of torment, with repeated three-point defeats (Washington, Houston, etc.) giving way to humiliations (the game at Buffalo possibly being the worst). Even the sole win against Baltimore was gut-wrenching, as Matt Stover pulled an overtime kick wide-left that would have left us staring down the barrel of an 0-16 season.

With rebuilding now being the only option I decided to take the smart decision and emotionally detach myself from this season. It worked for the inevitable week one defeat to the Favre-led Jets, but slightly less so for the week two shocker in Arizona where the Cardinals ran the lead to 31-3 against a team which couldn't even get a stop when it put twelve men on the field.

So needless to say I wasn't particularly optimistic about our visit to Gillette Stadium yesterday, even with downright smug Patriots having Matt Cassel taking the snaps meant for Tom Brady. It might not be a blowout, but I still suspected they would win handily, probably covering the thirteen-point spread. I could live with that, just keep them under 30 and let us put some points on the board. That'll do. Just get it done, get on with the bye week and let me reflect upon the fact that the Cowboys drafted Marion Barber a whole hundred places below Ronnie Brown in the 2005 draft.

And so I carried on with one of my Sunday nights in my 2008 NFL season plan. No Sky Sports, just chilling out, planning to walk the dog and avoid any sight of Strictly Come Dancing. Then the cpfc.org NFL thread let me in on something - the Fins were leading in Foxborough. Nothing to get excited about, early days.

Only the lead stayed, and then grew. Fifteen points up at the break, three touchdowns for Ronnie Brown. Not a lot of yards, but a lot of points. Then the editor of this blog sent me a text message from his frustrated position on a train, asking for updates. I was going to be unpopular with my dog. When I only wanted to stare at a laptop screen a friend with no fondness for the NFL phoned - arrggh!

When the call finished half-an-hour later I went to look for another update. We didn't just still have the lead, we had extended it. NFL.com gamecenter confirmed it, as did the fact that Finheaven had threads crashing left, right and center centre. Good grief, could this really be happening? Were we really going to win a meaningful game in New England of all places? Just before 9pm UK time the final score was confirmed, 38-13 to the Fins. A feeling of happy disbelief stayed with me for the rest of the night.

I'm still not all the way back with this team. The only good memories in recent years have been a few wins against the Patriots when we've been underdogs, and I'm consequently about as guarded with the Fins as I was with women in my teens, but for the moment there is something to smile about. More than that there is a result to be proud of, and finally signs of things going in the right direction.'

Miami 38, New England 13

Somebody pinch me.

No, wait, don't!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

London calling

I'm off to Londinium for the weekend to watch my footy team, Crystal Palace, get thumped by the mighty Plymouth Argyle.

The good news is that the lovely lovely lovely Charissa Thompson from Fox Sports has agreed to keep you company while I'm away.



Keep her sweet, boys and girls!

NFL final word: Week two

I know, I know... it’s already pretty much week three. So instead of recapping last Sunday’s games I’ll have a quick breeze through the five young players I’ve enjoyed watching most through week two, in reverse order. Ready? Let’s do this...

5. Chansi Stuckey (New York Jets): Frankly I couldn’t care less who wins the AFC East given that there’s zero hope of Miami doing so, although if forced I’ll go for the Bills. (The Jets are from New York, enough said, while the New England Patriots are the New England Patriots.) But I will hold my hands up and say fair play to Stuckey, a player who missed the whole of his rookie season in 2007 thanks to a busted foot. He’s quickly turned himself into one of Brett Favre’s favourite targets, is great at finding holes in zone defenses and catches the ball beautifully. A long career (probably, and hopefully, at a better side three or four years down the line) beckons.

4. Matt Forte (Chicago): Can this guy run or can this guy run? The Bears are back, and he’s the catalyst. Chi-towners had better hope he stays in shape for the next 14 weeks – they might get an extended season if he does.

3. Darren Sproles (San Diego): The very first thing I did on Monday morning was log into Yahoo and drop Vincent Jackson from my fantasy team to make room for his pint-sized, dynamite-assed team-mate. Many scoffed at the Chargers’ decision to let Michael Turner, LT’s number 2 since forever, walk away during the offseason, but Sproles has shut the critics up within two games. The quickness with which he reaches full speed will be terrifying defenses (and special teams units) for the rest of this season. He has ridiculous burst at the line of scrimmage and dances around opposition players for fun.

2. Jay Cutler (Denver): Alright, he’s already pretty much there, but the worried faces which met the revelation that he is diabetic only serve to make his sensational start all the more impressive. Last minute fumbles rescued by incompetent officiating aside, he’s making it look like his receivers are wearing metal gloves and he’s throwing a magnetic ball – Eddie Royal, Tony Scheffler and Brandon Marshall are clocking up insane fantasy numbers. As long as he plays like this, the Broncos aren’t just dark horses – they’re genuine Super Bowl contenders.

1. Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay): Brett who?: This guy might be the most fun player to watch in the NFL right now. He’s making a mockery of the fans’ clamour to hang onto Favre, and his forever upbeat body language suggests he’s really enjoying it. And he deserves to. The smiles might become frowns once he hits a bad pitch – it happens to everyone – but for now my eyes are glued on number 12. Hot tip of the week: Packers to beat Dallas Sunday.

Five more on the bubble:
Davone Bess (Miami) – about the only positive I can find in South Florida right now; Eddie Royal (Denver) – see Jay Cutler entry, above; DeSean Jackson (Philadelphia) – Monday night’s clanger was stupid stupid stupid but it was also funny funny funny; JT O’Sullivan (San Francisco) – when did this guy suddenly learn to play?; Chris Horton (Washington) – whoooooo? I thought the same before his out-of-nowhere performance against the Saints on Sunday.

Oh, Miami

When Bill Parcells took over as executive VP of football operations of the long-suffering Miami Dolphins late last season, expectations were, quite rightly, kept as low as possible. Whether or not he retained then coach Cam Cameron on the back of a 1-15 season, it was clear that there could be no quick turnaround for the hapless, hopeless Phins - particularly in a campaign where only Brian Billick's conservative playcalling stopped us becoming the first team ever to go 0-16. And so throughout the last nine months the words 'transitional season', 'nothing to lose' and 'blood the youngsters' have essentially become the team mottos down in South Florida.

One description that wasn't supposed to apply, however, was 'laughing stock'.

But that's where Miami is now, after a capitulation in the Arizona desert on Sunday that was arguably worse than anything Cam's young team served up last season. The 10-31 scoreline seriously flattered us; but it wasn't just the secondary's inability to follow assignments, read plays and, you know, tackle the opposition players than rankled most. Nor was it our frail, inexperienced wide receiving corps' pathetic attempts to get some separation and catch some balls. Nope, the worst failure in the abominable showing was the lack of professional pride on show: too many sloppy penalties, too many casual mistakes, too many moments when the players just didn't seem all that fussed.

Before he set foot in Miami I hated Parcells with relish, partly because of his connections to the Jets, Patriots and Cowboys – three teams I delight in seeing take a walloping – and partly because, quite simply, he always seemed such a sour, nasty football coach. Yet the latter is precisely the reason I begrudgingly welcomed him to Miami last December; because it had become clear that the franchise needed someone to take a deep bite into its soft, all-too-tender underbelly; someone who would make these players passionate, wiling and, yes, nasty.

We haven't seen any of that yet. 53 real dolphins would have been of more use on Sunday as Kurt Warner, allowed out of the retirement home for three hours, completed 55 of 55 passes for something like 17,000 yards and Anquan Boldin made it look as if he were playing in the park with a bunch of schoolkids. Actually, scrap that - even schoolkids occasionally get near the opposition when on defense.

Instead of being able to admire our determination where ability might be lacking, we're watching a team that appears desperately short of both – and is perhaps even worse than it was last season, what with Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas gone. And while its still way too early to pass judgment on the Parcells/Ireland/Sparano era, it's clear that expectations need to be taken down yet another notch, if that's even possible. This isn't going to be a transitional season; more like a transitional half-decade. And while that might be a tough thing to accept from fans wanting a quicker turnaround, it has to be that way; five coaches in five years and some terrible drafting from Randy Mueller tells its own story.

I'm still on board with the Trifecta. I'm just not sure I can watch them go about business for another 14 games. In fact, right now, I'll take 1-15 all over again...

DuhSean, welcome to the NFL

Given that I’ve never actually played american football in any form whatsoever, and that my hand-eye co-ordination is roughly equal to that of a three-legged, blind goat, it’d be rich of me to offer current college prospects who are hoping to make a career in the NFL any advice whatsoever.

But I’m about to do it anyway.

Kids, on the off chance that you get drafted to the NFL with the 18th pick of the second round, and you immediately make an impact on the depth chart, and your second game is against the bitter divisional rivals of the franchise who drafted you, and at a key moment in the first half when trailing by a single point your quarterback slings you an inch-perfect long pass which you catch without breaking stride... don’t start celebrating your first touchdown until you’re, you know, in the endzone.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Philadelphia Eagles rookie, DeSean Jackson.